The terrorism of WhatsApp groups – by Frank Ofili

If somebody does not save me soon from the terrorism of WhatsApp groups, I’m going to embark on my own equivalent of a combined Operation Lafiya Dole and Python Dance.

Haba! You wake up early in the morning only to be greeted with a million and one WhatsApp group messages. You are at your desk doing your daily bit and your phone keeps beeping with WhatsApp group messages. The thing is damned distracting. I used to think Facebook distracts; now I know better.

WhatsApp is supposed to be for short instant messages, but trust Nigerians to do things differently – not necessarily better – but just differently. Some people write a 10-page essay on politics, economy, matrimony, relationship, sports, entertainment, religion and all what not, and gboa(!), they post it on WhatsApp group. And they expect you to read every word of it! On a cellphone fa! With all sort of pictures and sometimes videos, thus clogging your device storage space! Some people even tell you to forward the message, or picture, or video to a million other people for you to receive the blessing of God. Whoever told these people that God gives conditions before blessing anyone!

It is difficult enough having to type anything meaningful on a mobile device, but reading a whole thesis from it is sheer terrorism.

And the messages hardly come in consistent or sequential order. You are reading something about Buhari, and pronto, another message about North Korea arrives. I have never quite gotten used to making meaningful contribution on WhatsApp groups.

The most annoying part of it all is that you are added to these groups without the person having the courtesy of enquiring from you if you would be interested.

Haba! What is this! Obulu gwa ogwu oma lee!