Burglary as a political metaphor

Neighbour! Neighbour!!

Yes, Wale what is the problem? Why are you shouting this morning?

I dey vex!

You are angry? With who and why?

I dey vex with everybody

Really? Including me? Why?

I dey vex for the country

Really? Ok, tell me. Why are you so upset?

You neva hear say dem burgle Uncle house?

Burgle uncle’s house? Which uncle? You never told me you had an uncle

Uncle Jona now!

Oh, you mean the former President?

Yes

How does burgling his house affect you?

E affect me. E affect everybody for dis country

How?

I hear say the robbers dem finish the house

Again, how does that affect you?

Dem thief a whole 36 plasma TV set for him house

So? What is your own?

Dem also thief 20 of him bowler hats dem, plus bundles of Ijaw wrapper, walking sticks, refrigerators, airconditioner and designer suites

And? What has that got to do with you?

I hear say no be thief dem steal am?

Really? Who did then?

I hear say na 3 Policemen wey dey guard the house naim thief am

My friend, be careful what you say. How could Police officers rob a house they were meant to protect?

But na true now. Na Policemen rob Uncle Jona house

Ok, assuming that is true, how does it affect you?

That is why I dey vex now. Why dem go arrest those Police officers?

And why should they not be arrested? What are you talking about? Those officers are criminals. They are corrupt

But shebi dem tell us say stealing no be corruption?

Where did you get that from? Who told you that?

Uncle Jona himself talk so now. Shebi na so him tell CNN the time wey him be President of the country?

My friend, you are mischievous

Na the thing wey dey vex me for your mata be dis? How I take dey mischievous? If Presido talk say stealing no be corruption, wetin dat one tell you? E mean say it is ok to steal na

Well, you have a point, but that doesn’t make stealing right.

But dat na why those Policemen rob him house na, because dem believe say no be bad thing to steal.

Well, they were wrong. They committed a crime and they will be prosecuted for it.

The one wey dey vex me pass be sey, how 3 whole Policemen go dey guard house wey person no dey occupy?

They were guarding the house to protect the property in it and the property belong to a former President of this country

So e good as 3 policemen dey guard only hats, wrapper, walking stick and TV sets?

It is the duty of Police officers to protect property

It is also the duty of Police officers to protect we common men. If a whole 3 Policemen dey protect one unoccupied building, na how many remain to protect us? So hats, wrapper, walking stick, refrigerators and TV sets dey more important than us?

The house and the items in it belong to a former President

So? Naim make dem more important than us?

My friend, you are not important; you are not a big man. Don’t you get it?

Chai, poor man don suffer! No wonder those poor Policemen kidnap those items in the house. Items wey dem buy with our money wey dem thief

If you are so angry, you may direct your complaint to the appropriate Authority, not to me. Direct your anger to the IGP

No, I go do more than dat.

What can you do? Poor insignificant fellow like you

I go hire dat lawyer wey dey defend Evans to come and defend the Police officers. The poor Police officers!

Then I wish you luck